How the Loghain Stole Christmas
by Sarah1281
Summary: Well, Loghain's been blamed for everything else so it's about time he's accused of stealing Christmas. Oh, if only it weren't such a dreadfully ORLESIAN holiday...


How the Loghain Stole Christmas

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age or 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas.'

Note: This is just a quick one-shot after someone mentioned how people blamed Loghain for everything else and that sooner or later he'd be accused of stealing Christmas.

Naturally, it was all Loghain's fault although with his daughter one of the most celebrated Queens ever, this fact somehow never made itself into the public consciousness of the people of Ferelden.

The parents of Théodore Grinch had moved from Orlais to Ferelden when little Théodore was just five during the last days of the rebellion and, finding the country so very agreeable, decided to stay when most of their countrymen left. It was difficult at first to get past the mistrust and outright hostility on the part of their Ferelden-born neighbors but eventually they were accepted in the community at large.

They loved their new home but also felt that it was important to keep the spirit of their Orlesian heritage alive. Théodore especially loved to share his ways with those around him, particularly after his parents died and he became the sole Grinch in Ferelden.

One of the most important Orlesian celebrations was a holiday late in the month of Haring called 'Christmas.' Ferelden hadn't celebrated Christmas prior to the occupation but it was just one of those things, like horses and fashion, that had stayed with the newly independent nation and Grinch couldn't have been happier.

Until…one year the ruler of Ferelden – Teyrn and Regent Loghain Mac Tir – decided that Christmas was far too _Orlesian_ to be celebrated by proper Fereldens and banned the holiday. Grinch, living in Denerim by that time, was horrified.

"A year without Christmas?" he had cried out. "How can this be?"

"D-does this mean that we won't get any presents?" one of the children, Cindy Loo, asked as tears brimmed in her eyes. "And no feast? We won't get to sing songs or get a giant Christmas tree?"

Grinch didn't know what to say. He knew that Loghain didn't like the Orlesians or anything to do with them. EVERYONE knew that. Just the same, to ban a holiday that was such a huge part of the Gwaren economy at this time a year (for everyone had to have a Gwaren tree) because he was holding a thirty-year grudge seemed a little extreme, to say the least. And how could you go around banning Christmas anyway?

"You can't ban it," he realized. "Christmas will come, whether Teyrn Loghain likes it or not."

All of the children cheered and the Grinch continued on with his usual holiday preparations…just a little more discrete this year since he was planning to openly celebrate a banned holiday in the nation's capital where Teyrn Loghain was currently residing.

Surely, though, _surely_ he'd be reasonable when he saw how much it meant to the children? It's not like Christmas was some Orlesian plot to re-conquer Ferelden, after all. Still, Grinch couldn't shake the terrible feeling that something was going to go dreadfully wrong as the twenty-fifth day of Haring drew ever-closer.

Then, finally, Christmas arrived.

There was really no point in trying to hide it from the regent. There was the biggest tree the Grinch had ever seen in the center of the Denerim marketplace with lights and ornaments adorning it and making it perfectly clear what it's purpose was. There were mountains of wrapped presents resting under the tree and various other Christmas decorations everywhere the eye could see.

The food smelled so good that Grinch found that he had a hard time waiting for it to be feast-time but somehow he made it. He and what must have been half of Denerim sat down for their feast and – after first thanking the Maker for their wonderful feast – the Grinch was just cutting the roast-beast when pandemonium broke out.

Soldiers were everywhere, smashing decorations and overturning tables. The presents were crushed underneath their feet and someone lit the Christmas tree on fire! Grinch didn't understand. What was going on? Why would the soldiers-

Someone grabbed him and dragged him along to a figure waiting in the back of the crowd. Grinch had lived in Denerim for long enough to recognize Teyrn Loghain on sight.

"Well, well, well," Loghain drawled. "If it isn't the rabble-rouser himself. Tell me, Mr. Grinch…you're Orlesian, aren't you?"

"I'm _Ferelden_," Grinch insisted, though his accent made Loghain's eyes narrow.

"Are you?" he asked dryly. "I find that very difficult to believe. Tell me: Orlesian or not, did you or did you not realize that I had banned Christmas?"

What could he say? "I did," he said defiantly.

"And yet you thought that you could celebrate it anyway and, what's more, that you could lead the good people of Denerim into participating in your crime?" Loghain asked rhetorically. "You can't deny that I gave you fair warning."

"It's a stupid law!" Grinch burst out. "You can't just _ban_ Christmas. Even if you take away all the presents and the lights and the tree and the feast and- and everything else, Christmas will come just the same no matter what you or anyone else has to say about it!"

Loghain smiled grimly. "We shall see. Guards, take him away."

And they did take Grinch away. He was supposed to have been taken to Fort Drakon but money had exchanged hands and he had been taken instead to the personal dungeon of the Arl of Denerim where he stayed for many months. The Arl, Rendon Howe, had his own private mages that liked to experiment on the prisoners in their free time and – far from minding – Howe seemed almost to encourage the practice. Somehow, they'd managed to turn Grinch green and they hadn't been able to reverse the process yet.

One day, a dwarf, two humans, and an elf came by his cell. They'd asked for his story and he'd told it. One of them looked furious and muttered something about adding this to his 'list' and they'd let him out.

It was kind of them, Grinch supposed, but he wasn't sure what to do then. He no longer loved Ferelden but he didn't want to go back to Orlais, either. He could go travelling, he supposed, and see what lay beyond the known countries of Thedas.

One thing he knew for certain was that, after all those months of being tortured and experimented on while he'd been imprisoned, he absolutely _hated_ Christmas.

He'd go somewhere far away where there was no Christmas and live out the rest of his days in peace. And if he couldn't find a place without Christmas then he would simply stop it from coming. After all, if Teyrn Loghain could do it, why couldn't he?

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